So I have been raising 4 girls. My nieces have gone from struggling to deal and understand with everything that has happened. They didn’t quite understand why they went from living with their mommy to living with me. They have gone from being so frustrating they were throwing fits before and after each and every supervised visit with their mother (my sister). Counseling had been a huge help in helping them understand what is going on and why. The fits and confusion had slowed way down. It was so amazing we were finally running like a well oiled train. They would come home from school do their homework and chores no problem.
Then we went back to court in November and since grandma Tina had filed for custody the judge decided to allow her every other weekend visits. At first, I thought this was a great idea not realizing how wrong I would be. Along with her visits my sister had been upgraded to every other weekend 2 hour visits. Which meant yes, no more fits weekly or so I thought.
So everything was good at first we settled into the new routine. Then I started noticing things. Things such as my youngest niece not snapping herself into her car seat anymore. This had been something she had done on her own for several months. Now she is playing I don’t know how or I am to little to do this on my own. Come to find out that grandma and grandpa had been treating her like a baby and doing it for her. This reverted us back and undid all of everything I had been building for the last year. Awesome! So awesome, so what else is unraveling you may ask? Well, my oldest niece is back to throwing bad, wild, violent fits. Each and every time she has to come home, before she goes, and everytime she don’t get her own way. When asked to do her chores she now once again throws herself down on the floor and says”it’s to hard” or “I don’t have to do this at grandma’s”. If you remember before it was she didn’t have to do it at mommy’s house. She fights me so much again.
I had everything under control and now right back to how it was in the beginning. We literally have to start over. Is it going to be this way each and every time the judge decides to mess with our lives? I hope not. Parenting is literally not always easy. It is frustrating, can be overwhelming, constantly changing, and most of all hard. Every time you think you have things under control bam you lose all control. You may not see the changes in children right away but as weeks went on I noticed. I think it took all of 2 visits to notice everything I had been teaching them undone. In a matter of 2 weeks destroy a year of my work. The girls think they are incapable of doing things for themselves. I had them thinking they were big girls and they were learning self-reliance and independance and it was glorious. Now I have to start all over again. I hope this time it doesn’t take a year to fix what has been undone.
Wish me luck this is a never ending process I fear.